Wisdom Quotes with sense of Humor

Wisdom Quotes with sense of Humor

There are lots of people who enjoy humor, they don't want to read anything that does not contain humor, they either sleep or doze-off anything they piece they are reading is 'hard on them'.

So, to make you read more, I have gathered some great quotes from great men - quotes of wisdom with sense of humor. Hope this blesses you. Please use the comment box to tell us the quotes that inspired you.

Words of wisdom from the master, Steven Wright:

• “If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
• “When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”
• “Light travels faster than sound. Isn't that why people appear bright before you hear them speak? ”
• "If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”
• "Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.”
• "If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.”
• "Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!”
• "The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese.”
• "A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
• "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else”
• "The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.”

 'My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.'  - Billy Connolly

'If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.' - Dorothy Parker

'Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.' - Gore Vidal

"It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit" - Noel Coward

'War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.' - Ambrose Bierce

'Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.' - Woody Allen

"I think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability." - Oscar Wilde

"Go to heaven for the climate, hell for the company" - Mark Twain

"When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists." - Stephen Fry

"Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it." - Noam Chomsky

 "Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws." —Douglas Adams

 "Anyone who survived childhood has enough material to write for the rest of his or her life."
—Flannery O’Connor

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die."
—Mel Brooks

"One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats."
—Iris Murdoch

"Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment."
—Robert Benchley

"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone."
—Lin Yutang

"If you think it’s expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur."
—Red Adair

"An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way."
—Charles Bukowski

"One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations." —Steve Allen

"If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by persons who move their lips when they're reading to themselves." —Don Marquis

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on."  —Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead."  —Gene Fowler

"For an actress to be a success, she must have the face of a Venus, the brains of a Minerva, the grace of Terpsichore, the memory of a Macaulay, the figure of Juno, and the hide of a rhinoceros."
—Ethel Barrymore

"Add a few drops of venom to a half truth and you have an absolute truth."  —Eric Hoffer

"Art is making something out of nothing and selling it."  —Frank Zappa

"Sex touches the heavens only when it simultaneously touches the gutter and the mud."
—George Jean Nathan

"Most truths are so naked that people feel sorry for them and cover them up, at least a little bit."
—Edward R. Murrow.

There are many great quotes by this great stand up comedian and philosopher of our time.But there's this that undoubtedly stands out :

“Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”

Here's a few of my favorite quotes that contain both wisdom and an element of humor:

Life is too important to be taken seriously. -- Oscar Wilde

 It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. -- Sam Levenson

Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses. -- Alphonse Karr

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.  -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

If I had six hours to chop down a tree, I'd spend the first four sharpening the axe. - Abraham Lincoln

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. -- Sacha Guitry

We may give advice, but not the sense to use it. -- Francois De La Rochefoucaul

Cherish the questions, for the answers keep changing. -- Albert Einstein

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. -- Horace Walpole (1717 - 1797

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers; You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions -- Naguib Mahfouz

 Some more of Wisdom Quotes with sense of Humor

“Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.” ~Billy Sunday

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” ~Winston Churchill

"Woman are meant to be loved, not understood." ~Oscar Wilde

"If you want everyone to know something, tell it to a woman and then ask her not to tell anyone."
~Your name could be here. How? All you have to do is ask. And you would have to give me some 'credit'. Cheerio.

From my knowledge of the world that I see around me, I think that it is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial intelligence.

"Anyone who believes you can’t change history has never tried to write his memoirs."

"Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits" - Mark twain

"People say "my phone sucks." No, it doesn't! The shittiest cell phone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone" - Louis CK

"I gotta tell you. I'm envious of women. I'm not saying you're problems get solved but at least they're taken seriously. There's 1-800 numbers, there's groups - people give a shit. Anything happens to a guy, it's just considered funny" - Bill Burr

"Women are constantly patting themselves on the back for how difficult their lives are and no one corrects them because they want to fuck ‘em." - Bill Burr

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography" -Mark Twain

" Why would we want to have it all? Where would we put it?".   Steven Wright

" Religion: bringing hope to a world torn apart by religion.". Jon  Stewart

The causes and solutions to most of our problems lie within our families.